Sometimes its hard to breath.

I'm so depressed.

I feel alone.

I feel like I don't fit into your life.

I'm at a point where I don't feel like I belong here anymore. I'm trying. But instead, I end up feeling like I'm a second thought, or I feel like I'm holding you back, or....something.

My heart is pain because I'm caught on this crossroad of I want to do and I can't do. Who I was, and what I will be.

I'm going to be a mother, someones whole world is going to depend on me, and its overwhelming.

I don't know where I am anymore.

I just know that if I'm going to fit into someone elses life... I come with a son. Its a package deal.

I don't think you're quite ready for that.

And it leaves me stuck, because I don't want to give you up....But I'm not going to ever leave my son, or make him an option, or second. It's all or nothing.

And yes, I'm mad, I'm angry because you leave for work in 7 days, and when you had 10 days left, you decided to go to some big event and made such a huge deal about it with everyone else, that I just don't even feel like I'm a piece of your life. Right now I feel like an option. A second rate one at that.

Today I hate everything, and almost everyone, and I'm angry, and afraid, and alone.

And there isnt anyone around that I feel like I can open up to here.

So fuck it. I'm going back to bed.

-S