Well, I guess I should start from somewhere near the beginning of this.
My name is Samantha, and I'm a single mum to be.
That is right, at 23, and single, I am growing a small child. Now before you judge me, just hear me out, I didn't plan this, not at all. Five years ago I thought I'd still be travelling and drinking, not running businesses and having a baby...Alone.
I met someone, and I guess, after a life time of bad decisions and cleaning them up, I met someone who apparently understood. The only difference between us, I was never that bad, and I had actually cleaned my life up.
So, it came down to after all the lies and cheating, I was going to get rid of him, I don't need a lifetime of heart break, and road to hell, a lifetime of struggle and never feeling good enough.... but then, I was pregnant.
A week after telling him, he decided to go shoot up with heroin. Steal all my money, try to blame me, call me every name in the book when I stood my ground. But this is ground I will never turn my back on, not now, I have a small child growing within me, I not only have myself to protect, but a child.
I left.
Which is how I am a single mum to be.
I didn't expect this, I didn't want it, I could have had an abortion, but who am I to take the easy way out? Thats not me, I can't do that, I'd rather have twice the struggles, but twice the love and kisses that will ensue.
I've spent weeks crying, and hiding, feeling like life was over. Feeling like I was going to be alone, feeling low. And the whole time its all been bottled up inside. Still I feel like I want to cry and scream why me?!
But its not one of those why me moments. I mean, I'm sure for some people it is... but not for me.
I'm stubborn like that. This is my choice, my child, and my life. I am quite capable, as I have always been. And I wont be stopped.
Besides, even the darkest rain clouds have a silver lining. Somewhere out there, or maybe closer than I expect (or expected) is someone who will love me and this child. Either way, if there is, or isn't, I know that I'll be just fine.
I've got lots to enjoy, future wise and now.
My small child, this thursday the 11th will be 16 weeks, when i play music that it likes, i can feel it rolling around. Its hard not to enjoy, and its only going to get scarier and better as time goes on.
I can't even say I'm alone, I'll never actually be alone again.
Today, I feel like everything is going to be fine.
After all....life is a day to day battle.
-S
